In Time
by totabcn
Summary: Set immediately after the pillow scene. Amy works on rediscovering comfort in solitude while Sheldon tries to get his life together without her.


**A/N: This has been sitting in my computer for a while but last night I watched a bunch of shamy videos and it reminded me how much the finale sucked and I really hope tptb address it the way it needs to be addressed. Usual disclaimers: I own nothing. TBBT belongs to Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady.**

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"HOW COULD YOU LET HIM GO?!"

Amy's shrieks vibrated around the apartment as she continued to hit Leonard with a pillow. Her strength soon started to waver and her anger turned to sadness and pain.

He left. She understood why. She always had to understand._ It was her job, wasn't it?_

Raj entered the apartment, "Sheldon's gone?"

He immediately spotted Amy clutching a pillow to her chest and sobbing silently. Beside her, Leonard was fixing his glasses and rubbing his head and across from her, Penny was looking at her engagement ring admiring how it shone on her svelte finger.

_What in the name of Adi Shakti is going on?_

Howard and Bernadette entered the apartment shortly after.

"What do you mean Sheldon left?" Bernadette's high pitched voice made Penny wince and forced Leonard to look up at his friends who had their eyes fixed on Amy.

Leonard, seeing the state Amy was in, turned to Penny to seek what to do. Penny, however, seemed just as lost.

Amy stood up. "You let him leave and it was probably for the best but-" she walked away and to the center of the room as she directed to them, "I'm his girlfriend. You guys are my friends. Didn't either of you for a second think to include me or at least inform me of his whereabouts?" She wiped her face with her sleeve. "I came to you two earlier because I hadn't heard from him in hours and I was worried, too"

She paused, panting.

"Amy..."

"Sheldon and I don't hold hands when we're walking up the stairs, we don't cuddle when we're all watching a movie, we don't have sex. But we confine in each other. We seek one another both when we're in distress and in joy. We've been together for almost four years does that mean anything to you two? I'm not an acquaintance or a colleague and I ...don't deserve to be treated as such".

Amy's relationship with Sheldon was something everyone in the room had a hard time understanding from the very beginning. They were just a couple of really weird people who acted like friends most of the time despite having a _Relationship Agreement_ between them –another weird thing they had going on. They accepted it, they didn't get it but they came to terms with it eventually. It was hard to remember though, sometimes.

"But ...right now I don't care if you all still think of our relationship as a joke because frankly," she looked around at everybody "I'm done."

She wasn't exactly sure what she meant but she knew she had had enough of feeling this inadequate. She started heading towards the door ready to leave.

"Amy, wait," Bernadette gently grabbed her arm to stop her. "You're not driving home like this".

"We'll take you home, buddy," said Howard as he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"No, thank you. I want to be alone" she weakly tried to get to the door.

"You're emotionally devastated we're not leaving you alone right now" added Raj.

"But we understand if you really want time to yourself just let us make sure you make it home safely. We'll be sure to get your car back to your apartment, too" smiled Bernadette.

After some thought Amy nodded and the three of them walked with her out the door.

Raj and Howard peeked their heads in through the door one last time and squinted their eyes at Leonard and Penny, "shame on you two. Very disappointed" and closed the door, catching up with Amy and Bernadette.

The apartment was silent as the couple of newly engaged both stared at the closed door.

"Was that-" stuttered Leonard "did we really make her feel that bad?"

"We're not the bad guys! I mean we only want what's best for Sheldon. He needed this and Amy was just going to stop him ...right?" Penny looked down; looking less certain "I guess we never really thought about her..." She looked up at Leonard who had a guilty, sad face. "She's right, Leonard. God, I'm such a crappy friend!"

"Hey don't say that about yourself," Leonard stood up and sat on the armchair beside Penny and rubbed her back "I mean..."

"No, Leonard. I am! She was there for me when I cried about you going out with Priya and-"

"You cried about me being with Priya?" A cocky, obnoxious smile tugged at his lips.

"LEONARD! Seriously, really not the time for that" she shot him a furious glare. "She was there for me and I wasn't there for her... At all. I know how important he is to her and him leaving is probably hurting her a lot more than I can imagine."

Leonard thought of a few weeks back when Amy had confessed to him about her insecurities in her relationship with Sheldon. He also thought about Christmas Day when he had to show her Sheldon's screensaver because she wouldn't believe how important and special she is to Sheldon. He suspected Sheldon wasn't openly affectionate with her in public or in private, so he could see how she didn't know just how much Sheldon needed her. '_Sheldon leaving town probably had a bigger hit on her than on anybody else and Penny and I deliberately made the hit hurt more' _He glanced down at his fiancée.

"We suck, don't we?"

* * *

In the car, Amy had just finished explaining to them what had happened between Sheldon and her the night he left. Howard drove while Bernadette and Raj sat in the backseat with Amy, listening to everything she was saying. When she was finished they all were thinking the same: _Sheldon is an ass_. He was breaking Amy if he hadn't broken her already.

"You're such an intelligent, independent, lovely woman, Amy. You deserve better than what that jerkface has to offer," said Bernadette.

"Yeah! And about Leonard and Penny, they just got engaged it's ...uhm," the astrophysicist thought hard as to how to excuse Leonard and Penny. "… their selfish phase. Don't take it personal," Raj said as he nudged her gently.

Amy was quiet, looking down at her lap. She was listening, taking it all in, and thinking of what to do. When had she become so reliant of Sheldon?

Independent. Even at the beginning of her friendship with Sheldon, she had always been independent of prolonged human interactions. The only thing she was ever dependent on was the advancements in science and technology.

Love. Romantic love was something she long ago closed herself up from. Until she met Sheldon she had come to terms with the fact that she didn't need it. She set in stone that it was a waste of time and effort, that it was only opening one up to be ridiculed and hurt. She had had enough of being ridiculed and hurt while growing up she most certainly didn't need more.

So Amy wasn't sure when or how her friendship and her admiration for him had turned into something strong enough to mend her walls apart. She wasn't scared though, when she realized just how exposed she was to him. She trusted he would never ridicule or hurt her –not deliberately at least. She happily gave him that power over her. And while he _had_ hurt her in the past, she kept telling herself that he never did it on purpose. She told herself that he loved her. He would sometimes smile at her in a way that really made her believe he did.

Because really, how _couldn't_ he love her? She loved herself. She had learned to love herself despite of being pushed, insulted, and shunned all her life. She had to, because she was all she had. When she met Sheldon she had found for the first time in her life, someone who valued her as much as _she_ did. But somewhere along the way it had changed. She started caring so much about what he was feeling that eventually she put his feelings before her needs.

"I'm done." She whispered softy. Raj and Bernadette gave each other a look. "I don't want this anymore…"

"What exactly?" asked Bernadette, gently.

"To feel inadequate because of him. I was perfectly content before I met him and I will be perfectly content now that he made it clear he doesn't want to give me anything in the future," maybe saying it out loud would make her believe it faster. "I don't …want him".

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**A/N: Welp, there it is. I'm currently working on the next chapter and we'll see just how 'well' Sheldon is doing (spoiler alert: he's not).**

**Reviews are welcomed and appreciated!**


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